Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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