My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
