I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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