I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
