He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
