I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
