he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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