And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
3pm strippers are depressing
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
