I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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