just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
