The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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