i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize