Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
