I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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