So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
