ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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