The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
