I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
