wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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