I can text with my tongue
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
