When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
