everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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