I think I died a long time ago.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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