Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
