Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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