not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
