whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
