It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
