Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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