just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
