If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
