you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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