At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
