OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
