i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
