we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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