doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
