i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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