So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
