Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
