And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
