If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
