I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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