they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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