I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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