My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
