My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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