8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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