What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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