i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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