i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
