nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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