i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you would pick up someone in the library
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
